Angels

I really want to thank you. For the past few months, in all honesty, my life had been a mess. There wasn’t really any true direction. I guess, it comes with the hopelessness and frustrations that I had been suffering.

You see, ever since the first time I had a chance to talk with you on YM, I knew in one way or another that you were good for me. I was too afraid to meet you actually because I knew back then that I wouldn’t be able to hold back myself. You were very interesting like some kindred spirit I have long looked for. Even back then I felt it was only a matter of time before I realize that you are special. And without any hesitation, now that we have met, I believe you are.

I wanted to thank you. For bearing with me in a very turbulent ride on the plane. I want to thank you for having patience enough to talk with me. I never expected that. I could be a jerk most of the times. I want to thank you for reminding me of the better things in life. Of the things that really mattered. You see, it is with your eyes that I saw what I really wanted, what I have always dreamt of the most. A reminder of sorts that life, in all its complexities, boils down to a few basic necessities. That all we really need is a home, and you, in that very short conversation coupled with all the things said on the internet, guided me there.

With your eyes, I saw simplicity. With your stories, I remembered how fun it was to be home. Carefree because everything was at peace and we are protected. I had been on a very long “circumstantial” adventure, and never have I found, a place where I can just truly be happy. The last time I really had that was like 15 years ago. I had spent half of my life struggling, adventuring. But in your stories about copra and high school, I remembered that all I really wanted was to get back what I had 15 years ago, a place where I can just be truly happy. It seemed, that when I find home once again, it wouldn’t even matter anymore if I became the best engineer, I can possibly make out of myself.

I cant thank you enough for giving me the hope that I needed. I dont even know if we will ever see each other again. As you know, this may also be my last stint in this company. I thank you for giving me hope, that despite of and in spite of all these adversities, I can find a somebody who can cut me through. I thank you for reminding me that there are better things in life, and that I have to be careful because I should be in great condition when I find what I have long looked for.

It pains me so much that I cannot freely express this straight into your eyes. There are some things that need tending too. There had been many times that I wanted to ask you out on a date. There had been many times that I had to stop myself from going near you. Because, there is much too much to fix within me and my immediate circumstance. I dont know, where all these will lead to. All I know is that when I decide on something, I do it.

I cant thank you enough for the effect you have on me. I feel I can get through this adversity now and all the more desire immensely to go back to RP and search for home. How I wish I lived near you so that I can hear your stories everyday and laugh each time you’d joke about not sharing your food. Just kidding. It feels so bad not to be in proximity to you. But for now, I guess it is better this way. When this is all over, and the dusts of confusion settle, I look forward to visiting you. Friends or what-nots, it does not matter. I guess no one would mind if we had one more round of friendly rebuttals.

As I write this, I realize the meaning of what my good college friend and hardware expert Arman called his ex-girlfriend Jolly. He called her “Angel”. Arman and Jolly are now 3 years married. And though I do not have any words for it, I guess that is the closest I can encapsulate the image I have of you. And for all its worth, and for everything that I hold dear, I just want to say thank you very very very much.