お酒、何で強いの?

先々週、他の会社員と一緒に、京都の店へ飲みに行きました。本当にお酒をたくさん飲みました。酔っぱらった。”失敗したな!”と思っていたんですけど、しょうがないか?実は、最近お酒をあまり飲んでいなかった。去年の方は、しばしばAlwyn,と一緒にアパートの近くの店で、ビルを飲みにいきました。今でも、何回に飲んでも、お酒の神秘をまだ発見しなかった。

なぜ、お酒を飲んだら、嬉しくなるの?何で自身があがるね?そして、なんでその時に僕の日本語が完璧そうになるの?本当に知りたいんですけど、取り合えず、もう少しその状態ままでするつもりです。多分、その飲み物に、”happy happy particles”があると思います。すっぱり分からない。

でもね、お酒を飲む時に、僕は、煩いけど、”happy happy”になる。知らない人は、その時に、知り合いになるよう!変だね、危ないと思っています。酔っぱらいなら、声も、ちょっと美しくなるね?。京都で、日本に着いた時から、今まで、だいたい50回以上、バーへ飲みにいきました。値段は、ちょっと高いけど、Mental Stabilityが大事ので、バーで飲んだら、凄くHAPPYになるよう。詳細仕様書や基本仕様書など、バーにいるなら、ぜんぜん忘れる。

日本のバーは、色々種類があるよう。あるバーは、Westernのバーです。英語の音楽を演奏する。ときどき、英語の映画も発表します。もう一つのタイプは、えっと、Serious Barですね。Serious Barと言うのは、長いカウンターテーブルがある小さい店。そのテーブルで、皆が集めて、本気にお酒を飲みます。何も言ってない。Serious Barは、あまり好きじゃないです。もう一つのバータイプを記載したいんですけど、怪しい所なんで、あなた方によって発見されて欲しい。

お酒は、大好きじゃないですけど、外人が寂しくしないように、必要だと思っています。今週の金曜日、大阪へ飲みに行きます。カラオケをしたいな。そして、もう一度、お酒の神秘を発見してみます。乾杯!!!

** We will have an internal exam in the coming weeks. I hope my stupid practice here helps bwahhahahahaha :). The sake will definitely help though.

The Atlantean, in the shadows of Olympus

The Atlantean bound himself with chains. Chains which he himself do not have the strength to break. All of Greece throw stones at him, because he has been tagged selfish for his nonchalant approach on the matters at hand. They persecute, ridicule and insult him for his silence, his stolidity over the circumstance around.

The non-omnipotent Atlantean, silently endures for what he thinks is right. He has seen what the God’s can do to beings of less, beings of a more unrefined approach. The Atlantean silently sacrifices everything, including ascension and equity, in a final chess match with the Gods. His resolve is unwavering, it is only a matter of time. How long will it take for the Gods to realize that without the Greeks and the Atlanteans, Olympus is nothing but an illusion?

The Gods reach out for the Atlantean, the Atlantean recognizes it, but he cannot beleive easily that it is for real. The Atlantean, holds on to his chains, for those who do not understand the underlying current. In the Atlantean’s eyes, the gods have violated time-tested principles and have in a way utilized lack of cognition on the part of the Greeks. The Atlantean has within him an opportunity to ascend, but ascension means nothing when the parapets are made of clay and the soul is inebriated with pretense.

His scars and wounds run deep and dark as the Styx. Yet the fire in his eyes flash brightly. A melancholic mixture of pain, anger, compassion and fiery drive.Truly, history is for the mortals, because the Gods have forgotten the past. They have forgotten that which has spurned the bloodshot in his eyes. He does not choose to let go of the memories, he cannot allow himself to be a part of a tribunal that does not hold dear that which he treasures.

The Atlantean became strong because of his desire to be strong, through the opportunities granted by a foreign feudal lord. When the Gods tore him up, he still chose to be strong. They have castigated him for sins not of his making. They have declared him incapable so many times. They have transferred his winnings to their favorite demi-Gods. And most painful of all, was that they have struck him a fatal blow of betrayal. And now that their favorite demi-Gods are gone, they seek him, the Atlantean.

The Atlantean smiles on the reversal of fortune. He knows that his strength lies within those chains and in a methodical sense of awareness. The friendly game of chess starts soon. He gains right to moral high ground for as long as those chains are bound intact. His awareness tells him that the time for the Olympians to dance with their destiny is coming. The Olympian’s ideology has to change, to save itself from an imminent doom whose shadows already tower on one of Olympus’s founding cities. The time of reckoning has come and it is only a matter of time before he can break free from the chains and get out of Olympus’ rule.

Though afraid of an immediate future, he suffers patiently. He feels it in his veins that the Gods will be punished for not setting things right from the very start. But by virtue of a celestial rule, the Atlantean will be charged of fixing that which the Gods have broken. The Gods cannot fix it because they have forgotten, what makes the Atlantean an Atlantean. The Gods have lavished with too much Ambrosia.

There will be no fight, no war. The Atlantean is not interested in such. And though in agony, he does not wish further pain for anyone. However, he dreams of the day when the Olympians start remembering how it was to be a lowly Greek. And that abiding by time-tested principles will always be boon to Olympus. The Atlantean seeks change within Olympus, a change that he thinks must be orchestrated by the Gods. As for him, he has decided to seek Atlantis and serve Atlantean Gods.If not, Anubis, or the one they call Christ might be a better God for him. Olympus is no place for him.

And only time will tell whether he can truly ascend or end up in the darkest pits of Tartarus.

Winning Time :: 勝ちたい!

At 31, I feel a lot older. And when I say a lot, it means a whole lot. Today, I profess and re-profess my unending desire to be a giant. Or at least die trying. I re-declare that even if I look like a fool to my counterparts, a liar, a diminutive figure or some 2 bit riff-raff, I will not stop trying.

I want to be a giant. I am sick and tired of working, creating and developing solutions for a generally don’t-care-somebody who develops something for somebody. I am sick and tired of such feeling. Nor do I cherish the idea that I will be developing and pursuing creative interest for people who do not value people. And the very day I step out of these chains, is the very day I intend to execute my plan.

This path, though less traveled, is something I want to follow. The probability of living single all throughout my life and being persecuted for not having bigger “bucks”, will take much time to swallow, but it is something I can accept over time. Monty and Rocky will live on with whatever legacy their roots leave them with.

I want to create things and partner with Filipino giants within the industry hopefully to make that dream come true. Or I can work for / work with companies that cater to the idea of “IdeaFarming” which my old mentor Ramon Canumay Jr. has instilled within me. Companies that won’t take everything from you but will have a way of “partnering” with you. Or companies which value employees on a more-than-average scale with well-thought-of corporate solutions. I want to die leaving behind some trace that all I have learned has not gone to waste, that the teachings of my mentors have not gone to waste.

I am afraid of failure, but it is in fear that courage is realized. I might fail but in the end of it all, we all will die anyway. And the “good oft interred with the bones” mentality will always be a looming banner, but I will never hesitate to challenge. We all would only live once anyway.

I am old and I am losing time, my most precious resource. But the thing is, I look forward to creating new ideas the very first day I can. And while waiting for that day, make use of my opportunity to be stronger and fundamentally wise.

No way in hell however that I will ever underestimate any professional endeavour for food on the table and for a better family life. Be it, an outsourced, outsourced-outsourced, outsourced-outsourced-outsourced engineering job, for as long as an individual meets his dreams of “happyness”. I too might opt that someday. But as of now, as of this very moment, I am opting a different path, a path with less than 0.001% success rate. As for failure, it has not come yet, i will face it when it stares right into my face.

I feel very very very good. It is again for a very long time, as far as my life is concerned, winning time.

Useless Knowledge :: 化物の専門

I felt, I had just to write this.

For the past few days, I had in been in so many technical discussions with some clients here in Japan. Yup, all in nihongo. The discussion revolved around the implementation of our selected OS/ kernel. It was quite something, not just because it was deep within the OS, but more importantly it was in a tongue, I am so desperately trying hard to learn just to be “professional” in the eyes of my Japanese mentors.

When the day ended, and all of us have had our solution, I was thinking how many people in the organization I work for, have had that kind of opportunity. For one, I know my sempai (senior officer in japanese), would not discuss openly about technical stuff should he deem the other party technically incapable. Moreso, if he thinks the other party cannot cope with nihongo. I guess I got lucky. And yeah, all discussions were in heavy kansai ben.

I feel however, in the light of the composition of the organization I work for, I find that these things that I have learned are nearly useless. Such knowledge, only creates an image of me as a “bakemono”, a monster, a freak of nature. And in light of low valuation, a heavily criticized, overqualified underrated engineer.

I however, am not mad or disgusted anymore. However, I am very very disappointed that my organization as a whole does not look at its business and execute scientifically like our fellow Asians, the Indians. Post sales are pretty bad within the organization, I guess I will have to write about this in another blog. And should my other former co-workers were still around me, I know they would treat such knowledge as very valuable treasures. However, sadly they are all gone, three years past.

Yep, I am stacking up on useless knowledge. And so are some of my friends.I just hope, and pray that someday, such useless knowledge be again valuable to some other people. Where people like me are no more “bakemono”s. Or should we still be freaks, at least we’re not anymore overqualified undervalued engineers.  Just regular engineers.

Kidd, Gasol, Shaq just got traded. I am no where close to how these guys are, should embedded development be like basketball. But somehow, i know it is imminent, I think getting traded is becoming a very very very good option.

Cheers to all”bakemono”s.

Thank you :: そうすれば与えられる。

Dear God,

Thank you very much for this year. Thank you for making me live through it. Thank you for giving me this wonderful opportunity. Thank you for the patience you had even if I crossed the line. Thank you for granting me some respite from the harsh events within my family. Thank you for giving me whatever it is I have now and for releasing some of my excess baggage.

Heal me please, from the poison that eats me up, from the anger within. Stop me from becoming a beast of burden and make me a creature of your magnificence. Grant me your wisdom, your strength and your humility. I pray you keep me within the fold, and search for me when I go astray.

I pray you grant everyone the strength and not forget my family and loved ones when you wish to scatter blessings on the planet. And though a lot of us dont believe in you, please continue to believe in us. I ask for nothing else but faith the size of a mustard seed.

神様、今まで誠にありがとうございました。今まで僕の事をいつも考えましたので。本当に去年を嬉しいです。来年、僕をお世話をしていただけませんか。僕をこの暗い世界で案内していただけませんか?あなた方の力を皆を守るために貸していただけませんか?深くて複雑な問題に神様の光を見せていただけませんか?神様の前に、僕は力が無い、僕は何も出来ません。神様がいないなら、この両手で何も出来ない。

皆の事も忘れないでいただけませんか? 信じている方と信じないかたもお世話をしていただけませんか。人間への希望を決して失わないでいただけませんか?

去年を本当に感謝しました。来年、もう一同お願いいたします。

求めなさい、そうすれば与えられる。

いつまでも、ゴビン。

Hope : Miracles happen

I was 7 years old and was selected for the 2nd straight year to be the lead of the male cheerleading team. Everything was going right when one day my mom found me burning with fever and with a big lump in my right ear. Scared to death, she brought me to the best ENT specialist in our province. I vividly remember how she was crying at the diagnosis of the doctor. I was to be operated as soon as possible to clear my ear of some strange strain of infection. The operation however, had a great risk of me losing my sense of hearing.

Hopeless, she went to the cathedral in Bacolod City. There she weepingly prayed for some strange miracle, offering my life to God’s loving hands. I guess being 7 I was not able  understand the gravity of the situation. On our way home, I even begged my mom for some “batchoy” in my favourite restaurant. As I ate my food with gusto, my mom was crying on hers. That afternoon she informed the school of my situation and requested that I be stripped off the team.

The day passed, with the fever increasing and the lump getting bigger and bigger. I went to sleep that night with a a hot towel on the lump. The next morning, all my teachers were surprised when they saw me at school perfectly healthy. We eventually went on to win the cheerleading competition with me as the lead.

I dont know God’s reasons why he granted me a miracle, but I know they happen. And for those who dont have hope right now, I hope this gives you a grain of it. Just believe like my mom. Her faith healed me. And if they dont happen to you, it is ok to get dissapointed I think. But please give God a chance to show you the reason why.

When Do Dreams End?

Eversince I was 5, I dreamt of becoming a great engineer. I never really stopped dreaming about it and still continue to hope that one day, one sweet glorious day I will become one.  Truth be told, most of my friends and colleagues, think I am one (or look like one)  and to some point I too believe them. Just to some point 🙂 not yet there, I think.

However, I can’t put away this constantly annoying murmor within me. That innate, unstoppable desire to create, to invent … to innovate. Never satisfied until I create something that can be my legacy, the fulfillment of all the learnings I have received from the great mentors I have had the opportunity to work with.  If only that leash of a clause within my employment contract was removed, I can start thinking of new things again. If only I can do my own stuff without them owning everything.

How I wish I can write my own patent, create my own algorithms and publish diverse findings I have come across in my very short career. I guess they will have to wait.

 How much time do I have left to execute and realize my dreams? I used to believe that my dreams end once I get married and have my own kids. I guess, I will just have to wait and see. I pray God grant me a little more time. Time enough to raise my family and see my dream come to realization.

Come to think of it, I guess I need a very understanding wife who can support me. I hope she is the one. When my dream comes true, I just want to redeem my roots from years of anonymity and status-quo prejudice.

 When do dreams really end? Is it when we give them up? Is it at a certain age? Is it when they come to fruition? I guess, for all the reasons why I hold my dreams dear, the answer to my question lies squarely on me. And shamefully, I have no answer. Like what my friend mike would say, I am once again stuck in an endless loop.